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Topics - Yeldur

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General Discussion / Final loom sale to end C-RPG
« on: November 27, 2018, 10:34:08 PM »
hi there guise welCOME to my loom sale!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1 loom each = £10.00
3 looms SPECIAL deal = £20.00

9 looms special deal = £350.00

18 looms SPECIAL SUPER DUPER DEAL = £600,000

plz form an orderly line

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As the title suggest, if you play archer regularly at the moment and have a few moments of your time to spare please post here with some way I can contact you (Discord is preferable)

Fair enough, you've been permabanned. To get unbanned please post a 1500 word essay on why cheating is bad and you are remorseful of it. Feel free to explain why what you were doing what wasnt cheating as well at some point. Alternatively you can buy a new key.


pic related:
(click to show/hide)

General Discussion / afina
« on: August 17, 2018, 08:23:03 PM »
(disclaimer i dont really hate u russian people but this meme demands such an insult also fuck u i dont care about ur feelings)
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Hi there, my name is Troy Mcclure, you might remember me from such educational guides as "How to make the perfect cup of tea" and "the ranged experience"
You might be wondering to yourself "Gee, I sure do wonder how I can become as cool and hilarious as Afina, all my friends are making cool Afina shitposts" - Well, not to worry friend, help is at hand; with this simple guide you will be making Afina quotes like there's no tomorrow.

We'll start off with the basics, in order to zone yourself into the life of Afina you must have at least 500 people per day tell you to "die" - to do this I recommend asking people on the street to tell you to die. This will surely help with the process.

The next step is clearly to bash your head in with a mallet at least 20 times to reach the level of retardation that all Russian people fall into  - by doing this you gain the innate power to think like a Russian (Only joking Russians don't think on account of them all being braindead) (added note if you would like to reach a TRUE afina state you can make it 25 times)

After that you're almost sorted. But, OH NO! You don't speak Russian? How are you going to shittily translate all of your insults into incredibly broken English? Well my friends, this is where MY state of the art translation service comes in, I call it the Troyslate service! Here is a step by step guide on how to use the Troyslate service!

Step 1:
Follow this Troyslate link that doesn't lead to any pages owned by Google!

Step 2:
Once you have arrived you'll want to get yourself set up correctly, do this first by selecting the language to translate to Russian!
(click to show/hide)

Step 3:
Perfect, that's your setup done! The next step is to type any and all insults directed at:
Yeldur, Zottl, Dodosa, Yuhmaz, Krave, Cassi, Heibai or Umbra
Here's an example!
(click to show/hide)

Step 4:
You're ready to post it up on a forum thread to be just like Afina is! Of course, no post could ever top one coming from an ACTUAL Russian but with these simple steps you are able to become braindead enough to make your very own Afina Posts!
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This is Troy Mcclure; signing off

(editors note for afina: die)

General Discussion / afina
« on: August 11, 2018, 03:28:22 PM »


as u can see this HA is just TOO skilled for me to couch lance him into oblivion, against a normal opponent this lance would have caused an explosion the size of a mountain, but this HA is clearly skilled so he turned himself into a gaseous state in order to avoid my lance

what will kremsies do when their autism is assaulted by the polish hussars?

General Discussion / a guide on how to make the perfect cup of tea
« on: June 09, 2018, 01:59:19 AM »
Hello everyone, Head Admin Yeldur here, and today I'm here to show you how to make the perfect cup of tea. "Why is this fucking bubbling frothing at the mouth retard idiot cunt trying to tell us how to make tea" you might be asking, well, I have one simple reason. I am British, and by that logical definition that means I am a tea MASTER and you are all FUCKING WORTHLESS PIECES OF SHIT FUCK YOU ALL I HATE YOU.
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In order to watch this guide please listen to this music on repeat:

Anyways. On to the guide:

First, pour water into kettle, now, we can't use any old ordinary tap water, for a TRUE ENGLISH TEA, we must go all the way to the lake district and collect nothing but the purest rain water, once that is done, we travel back home and put the kettle on boil, once that is done we empty it into a pot on the stove and leave it to boil for a further 30 minutes, once that has finished, add ENGLISH teabag into cup, pour boiling water and leave for 2-5 minutes depending on how strong you like your tea. Once that has been completed, remove your ENGLISH teabag and place it in the food bin, then drive 4 hours down the road to cornwall, milk a cow, drive 4 hours back down the road to your home and add exactly 10 millilitres of milk, once done, add sugar if you take it. A maximum amount of two spoons of sugar is allowed, any more than that and you are ruining the tea and I will personally come to your house, castrate you, cauterise the wound, cut off each and every limb of your body whilst cauterising it, making sure you are well fed and have drunk fluids, after which i will place you slowly, 1 inch every 5 minutes into an acid pit, where you will boil to death slowly and painfully. DO YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND YOU PIECES OF SHIT I WILL FUCKING END YOU
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Please now pause Rule Britannia and turn on this song:
Thank you must humbly for reading my guide on how to make the perfect cup of tea, I hope this has helped you in your endeavour to make a good cup of tea, I appreciate for you non British barbarian SWINES it can be a difficulty but this is why I have made this guide, if you have any questions about your tea, please feel free to contact me using this thread.
This is Head Admin Yeldur, signing off. Goodyeldurht.

A terrible day has come today, King Phillippe has been murdered, he was merely talking on the C-RPG server when he hopped into the voice chat and began talking into his microphone to the people, unbeknownst to him, having the microphone in your mouth makes it really loud and impossible for people to understand, as such, he cannot be blamed for this but that didn't matter, Uthyr the murderer of King Philip struck Phillippe down with the power he stole from the vaults of Camelot before escaping after murdering Philip previously. It is a terrible day.

Rest in peace, King Phillippe, 1452 - 2020

Pictures taken from an onlooker at the moment of King Phillippe's death
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After the brutal murder of his father at the hands of the attempted usurpers to the throne, Dupre and Uthyr, Phillippe is crowned King after bravely routing them from his fathers lands, this video was taken just days after his father was murdered, and allowed King Phillippe time to mourn his loss.
(very special thanks to pogosan for helping me with bits on the video)

General Discussion / never forget the sacrifice of King Philip
« on: May 13, 2018, 10:23:37 PM »
the king has died today after a VICIOUS attack by dupre and uthyr who brutalised me before finally cutting off my head and (edit: permabanning) banning me from the crpg discord

here lies King Philip - 1270 - 1305 AD
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"I am skilled in the arts of war, and military tactics" - King Philip, 1299 AD

Never forget his noble sacrifice

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General Discussion / EUcucks, the looming issue
« on: May 07, 2018, 08:12:58 PM »
For months now EU has been dead, nobody plays anymore and even when I spammed the shit out of announcements on the steam group and on the discord and even appealed to the DTV players, nobody came on EU1 except for James, which makes him the only non-cunt in EU. Oh wait he's NA, jk you're all cunts.

Right now, there is no point at all in keeping EU servers up, it's wasted money that the donators to this module (To which I am one) are wasting on servers that nobody plays on. In my opinion, the only logical decision from this point is to remove all EU servers and use the revenue made from that to buy new weapons and armour from Zimke, or anyone else who wants to take payment in exchange for weapons/armour. EU has proven they're all a bunch of useless bundle of stickss who can't be bothered to get on and start up the server so there's not much point in keeping the servers up, I say we focus on a set of servers that IS alive, NA. I see them getting 40-60 people almost every yeldurht which is awesome, and that's what EU should be.

Included a poll for us to vote on, it won't change my opinion but I'd be surprised if anyone votes not to shut down EU, given that it's dead.

Spam / Memorial for Avenge
« on: April 17, 2018, 01:31:31 AM »
We gather here today to mourn the passing of one "Avenge" - His life was long, but ended way too soon. After the posting of nudes of Cassi, he was summarily executed for his crimes, and now exists only in the aether above, may his soul be carried forever into the halls of happiness, may his corpse rot nicely so that it doesnt look too bad or smell too bad, may his life above be forever full of life and joy.

We will never forget your passing Avenge.

R.I.P Avenge, 2011 - 2018
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"NO update , lied the epic , balance ?" - Unidentified Peasant as he visited Avenge's funeral to steal his shoes

Spam / unban thread on behalf of avenge
« on: April 17, 2018, 12:57:01 AM »
I am here on behalf of Avenge to submit an unban thread for him, he has requested me to do this and so I have chosen to do so with consent on his part. He has given me a speech that he has spent time writing for us:

Much like albert einstein, I did nothing wrong, and I am here to spread the knowledge of the injustice I faced recently. Recently I posted nude photographs of one player in C-RPG called "Cassi" - this person has been shared numerous times on the Krems WhatsApp group and after an argument with Cassi about how i need to stop being racist even though Cassi is a cuck I chose to post this photographs in a fit of anger and rage, not knowing that this would get me globally banned, I expected a forum perma ban and am unhappy that I was globally banned without even being spoken to, hence I would like to request a hearing of some kind in which I am allowed to defend myself, I don't believe that posting some pictures online even though they are readily available online is wrong, I didn't even know they were Cassi's nudes, so that means you can't ban me, because I had no knowledge of the crime I had committed. Nah I'm just joking, but in all seriousness I believe I need to be unbanned as this community is already dying/dead. Would you kill einstein if it meant the SS would die? Would you kill him if it meant chocolate chip cookie Germany fell? No. I don't think so.

Yours sincerely, Avenge

the kingdom of retardation requires your assistance, one day, as yeldur was walking down the street, he was approached by some german cuck who said "gimme ur lunch money bitch" - yeldur, turned around and proudly said "NO FK U" so the cuck replied "FINE BUT THIS ISNT THAT LAST OF THIS" - so he gathered his army of cucks and chose to attack my village, 1 like = 1 prayer, plz support me in killing the german cucks who are trying to steal one of my babies

plz send ur help, fite for what is rite!?page=strategusinfobattledetail&id=2882

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